Veg BBQ III

(from the dispatch desk of city room nerve-wracker, Mac Jasper)

Listen to the broadcast here:
Veg BBQ III

'Tis the sesquicentennial of the War of Rebellion, the War of Northern Aggression, the War for Southern Independence, the War Between the States, Johnny Reb v. Billy Yank ... but friend it's all the American Civil War to you and me, if you've heard of it. How grand to see that the Big Apple has done its part, having embraced the cause of Southern cuisine today as it did the slave trade back then. Don't get me wrong. Jasper loves spicy cornbread and catfish, but not on every other g'damn block. Back in the slave days, New York merchants made a fine dime off the Southern economic paradigm, and the Big Apple rioted against its prodigious black population when Lincoln called up the draft. As the nativist gangs of Civil War New York persecuted free blacks, so too bacon doughnuts suppress civilized life, and ravage the constitution, self-control and self-respect of bourgey BBQ burpers. Today, you might say, trendy traders in fried foodie fat now abuse the rights of the digestive system of Gotham's hock-hungry.

Reports from the food field note that our favorite Burmese place, and that Vietnamese place down the steps in Chinatown, and Schaffer's oyster bar off Fifth, they've shuttered for good and good luck finding another. But no prob for any new place to chow cheeks and smoked lamb face, with a side of lard 'taters....

Well, maybe the analogue don't really hold up. But when the crowd for Grant's Tomb is deeper than the breadline for Barnard College-grad Martha Stewart's Shake Shack, I might zip it. After all its only food. Only its food, after all. But the bacon-ated bourgeiose are staking flags in sacred ground. Behold, that cured-piggie cookoffs are giving first prize to Bacon Bourbon Ice Cream. As far it goes, this reporter believes that Pappy van Winkle would not be pleased to share his nectar with a hog's ass served in Ben & Jerry's. And that’s the squib.

Veg BBQ II

(from the dispatch desk of city room flimflammer, Mac Jasper)


Listen to the broadcast here:
Veg BBQ II

Vegetarian options are on the downslide in New York City, as severely as the many shanks for the carnivore are now everywhere advertised. The non-meat munchers of the city have now found even their beverages buggered by the baloney-biters, over at the new gastro-café, where one may order the bacon martini, in fact a martini made with bacon.

Says one local cabbage-jockey, quote “I would scarf down homefries cooked on a skillet where Taylor Ham just sizzled, before I’d ever take a bite of gluten-free pizza,” end quote. Such a skillet sizzles with Jersey’s own pork roll most delectably at Johny's Luncheonette, on 25th St. btwn 6th and 7th, where, as a regular reports, quote, “George runs a tight ship for the breakfast and lunch crowd. Sure, Johny’s has a veggie burger, and it’s probably great, but why not have one of Johny’s special pita-pizzas,” end quote. The people are boffo for Johny’s.

This just in, from the Manila, Philippines desk:
At least 750 kilos of "double dead" or tainted hog meat were seized while three suspected vendors of the hot meat were arrested in a predawn raid on a market in Quezon City Wednesday. Radio dzBB's Paulo Santos reported the joint operation by the city police and health office swooped down on the Balintawak Market at 2:30 a.m. Found in the raid conducted at about 2:30 a.m. were 700 kilos of hot meat and 50 kilos of lechon (roasted pig) meat. Arrested were three suspected vendors, initially identified as Ludy dela Rosa, Lea Balte, and Carlo Trinidad. City health officer Dr. Ana Marie Cabel cited initial findings most of the hot meat seized Wednesday may have come from Bulacan province. Earlier, the National Meat Inspection Service said it is monitoring farms in Bulacan, Pampanga, Pangasinan, Tarlac, Nueva Ecija as possible sources of the hot meat. Authorities have intensified their watch for hot meat, anticipating a rise in demand for the commodity as the Christmas holidays draw closer.

Double-dead huh? Double-dead, eh? That's what they used to call Ed Falzone back on the Glittering Gulch, on account of he felt out the window 17 floors from the Astor Hotel, and walked away without injury - over for a dime-a-dance up the Stem... for a little hot meat.

And that's the squib.

Veg BBQ I

(From the dispatch desk of Park Row squibber & city room toff, Mac Jasper)


Listen to the broadcast here: Veg BBQ I

"Vegetarian options are on the downslide in New York City, as severely as the many shanks for the carnivore are now everywhere advertised. Open most local Brooklyn papers, and see the ads for Texas BBQ, or Arkansas BBQ, with microbrews and locally sourced cow hocks and sustainable duck fat. Retrofitted menus from the beefsteak days, as if marketing to the intelligentsia, who are ravenous for pulled pork and loaves of knuckle. Is it a backlash against the preponderance of 1990s-propelled vegetarian options? The veg options on these menus are typically of dense pallor, gratuitous nods to some kind of cultural egalitarianism which must coincide with political acts of economic responsibility. A non-meatmuncher is best served at a place like Hill Country, on 26th btwn Broadway and Sixth, which declaims any veg options, tho the sides of mac and cheese, Texas caviar (black-eyed peas), and rich slaw are plentiful and pleasing to system of palate and gut."